Rules of Wyoming, Utah, Idaho, Oregon, & the Wild West
1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck
because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your
Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money to us.
Get over it. Don't like it? I-80 goes east and west, I-15 goes north and south.
Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that
are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6 Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to
understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are
comin' in during the hunts, we WILL shoot it outa your hand. You better hope you
don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar?
It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday
held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak, or you can
order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham &
turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables,
and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah... We don't
care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL
CHILI!!
13. You bring "Coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice.
You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot,
drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the
Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the
fish.
16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities, Universities,
and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education
plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come
home for the holidays.
17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines than all of you
put together, so don't mess with us. If you do, you'll get
whipped by the best.
18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music,
anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see
your boxers! Refer back to #1!